I haven't written in a week because work has been incredibly busy, and I have been sick with bronchitis and an ear infection in both my ears. I apologize profusely, and hopefully I will be able to keep a constant stream of posts coming.
Last Saturday, we helped my friend move from her apartment. I was anxious before we went, because she had lived on the third floor, and as you may know; stairs are the bane of my existence. My first ascent up the winding stairs seemed to go okay, and I felt confidence that I would be able to do this. After all, I am 20lbs lighter and in a little bit better shape. After the fourth or fifth time I went up and back down, my knee was calling out for reprieve and I was sweating like a factory worker. I was exhausted and in pain, but not as bad as I would have been almost 2 months ago. Two months ago, I would have complained the entire time about how tired and hot I was, and I would be searching to find the lightest items to take down. My laziness would compete against my want to help my friend, and more than likely, it would have won. Being able to walk up and down stairs multiple times in a row should not be something that I am proud of, but I am proud nonetheless. It's baby steps and baby achievements like these are going to carry me through this.
Marta's birthday was on Thursday, and we had a party for her on Saturday, and from Thursday to Sunday, I ate like it was my last weekend alive and I just wanted to enjoy everything all at once. I couldn't resist birthday cake or birthday pie, so I had 3 or 4 pieces over the course of the weekend. I wanted to celebrate my best friend's birthday, so I drank and partied with everyone. I didn't want healthy food, so I ate pizza. I was too nervous to step on my scale this morning to see the damage, but I can only assume I have gained something back.
When I do finally face my scale fear, and step on, I know I will be disappointed but I won't be distraught. I understand that I need to learn better self control, and that I need to say no more. But I have never met a piece of cake or pie that I didn't like, and how could I say no? It was my best friend's birthday.
I've hit my rock bottom when it comes to my weight, and I am fighting to climb back up. Thankfully, I have my family and my friends to catch me when I fall. I also have them to help me change, and help me grow into a better, healthier version of myself.
Changes have started, and they are still coming. I just need to learn to embrace them.
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